Sunday, November 15, 2009

It's been 4eva!!

Wow it's been a realllly long time since I wrote on my blog! Now with alllll the free time in the world I'm starting up again! Let's see what's been going on in my life lately? I got FIRED from my job of exactly 25 months on the day of my termination. Why did I get fired you ask? Simple human error. I set the alarm for my office but forgot to lock the door. Nobody would have been the wiser if some assinine customer hadn't shown up at 7am thinking for some unknown, god-forsaken reason that I would be there. For 1, I'm not even AWAKE at 7am, let alone am I at work! For 2, that office has NEVER been open before 9am. NEVER. For 3, there was no car there indicating that anyone who worked there was indeed THERE. Bah! Oh well, I was going to quit next month anyway because I'm going to college. My boss wasn't sorry in the least either. I didn't get a "it was nice working with you", "good luck", "happy trails", nada! Fine jerk! At least Obama has love for the single mamas and he's gonna pay for me to go back to school. :)

What else, what a new tattoo on my wrist. I love it!! It says "memento vivere memento mori" It's latin and is essentially a reminder to live your life to the fullest because one day you will die.

I've been single for awhile now and am honestly in no rush to find anyone, which is different for me! lol

I started finally utilizing my gym membership and got a gym buddy to go with me 3 times a week! YAY! no more "baby weight" lol. I figure that 15 months after having him, claiming it's baby weight is no longer a valid excuse. Not for me anyway. I'm only 30 lbs lighter than I was when I got induced to have him and for me that's just not acceptable! Especially since I gained 54.5lbs while I was preggers! I've got about 30 lbs to lose before I'm back at a healthy, sexy weight for me.

Yesterday my cousin Bre and I went on a little road trip to Monroe, MI to attend an autograph/photo session with Peter Facinelli, aka Dr. Carlisle Cullen in the Twilight movies. Any time with Bre is ALWAYS a blast and a half. She and I are always crazy and we totally get each other. We're both crazy and intense and say what's on our mind. We seem to be on the same wavelength too. Like saying the same things and such. For instance, yesterday on the way to monroe we were rocking out in the car to "jessie's girl" by rick springfield. We were both leaning side to side together in perfect time. We were doing 2 beats per lean and then at the end of the chorus where it goes "woman like that" we both, without planning it, did three one beat leans simultaneously! Perfection! We both died laughing of course. Like I said, it's always a good time.

So we left my house at 6am and arrived at the mall in monroe at 8:40am. We were about 100-125 people back which was great! So we waited outside until 10am when the mall opened and then waited inside in line until 12:45pm when Mr. Facinelli FINALLY graced us with his presence. He is definitely one sexy man and Jennie Garth, his wifey, is one lucky lady! It was cool because a portion of the proceeds from that day are going to support Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation which supports finding a cure for childhood cancer. You can learn more about it HERE. It was started by a cancer patient named Alexandra Scott. The foundation operates on the principal "when life hands you lemons you make lemonade". Alex passed away on August 1, 2004 after a 4 year battle with cancer. I think this is an awesome foundation and have decided to begin my own annual lemonade stand and send all proceeds to ALSF. I encourage anyone else who reads this to do the same. It's a few hours of your time and goes to a great cause, curing childhood cancer. I know that as a parent one of my greatest fears is losing one of my children and anything I can do to helping ensure that no parent ever has to hold their child's hand through chemo, I'll do it.

Speaking of my children, they are a handful and a half! They're sitting next to me on the couch while I write this. Eating chocolate chip cookies and watching batman and robin, Kaiden's latest obsession. I can't believe he's going to be 4 in just 3 weeks! He has grown up so much lately I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I'm not dreaming. It really does go so incredibly fast. He's been potty trained for several months now and right now we're working on learning all of his letters so we can begin working on reading! Wow! It seems like just yesterday he was a little tiny baby and now he's my big boy! Ryland is 15 months old now nad he is an absolute hoot! He's got a dozen teeth now and a head full of curly blonde hair framing his beautiful green eyes! He runs everywhere and has taken after his brother with climbing like a monkey! His favorite thing to do right now is climbing up on the coffee table, walking right to the edge, and then screaming for me to catch him while he jumps off! Ahhh! Crazy kids!!

Ok, I think this is enough of an update for now, see you tomorrow, same bat time, same bat channel.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Quotes a la me!

I have a tendency to have a slow brain to mouth connection...if I think something I usually say it and then later think that perhaps...that would have been better left in my head! Here are some classics:

When wondering out loud how one goose gets to lead the entire V:
"Did you ever wonder how they decide which goose gets to fly at the front? I mean, did that goose sleep their way to the front of the V? Are the other geese behind her going 'stupid slut, she slept with Tom and now SHE gets to lead us all to cabo?!'"
Later I found out that it was the goose with the highest level of magnetism in their head or some scientific shit like that.

When looking for my sister's newly chipped off tooth: "I found it...oh, no wait...that's a rice krispie."

Talking about my slip-n-slide va-jay-jay: "I never have to worry about buying any's like my body's own little way of clipping coupons and saving money!"

When getting a pelvic exam from the doctor:
Doctor:"hey, toss me some lube."
Me: " could at least take me out to dinner first! Olive Garden sounds nice!"
Doctor and Nurse in unison: "OMG Hahahahaha!!"

And that's it for brain has malfunctioned and is suffering from a rather severe case of CRS.

Friday, April 17, 2009

I'm a kiss slut

Yup, that's right. I'm a kiss slut! What can I say, I love to kiss!

My first kiss was when I was 5. He was 10 (what can I say, I was a hot little number) and we were in the breezeway at my house...not very mom caught us and chewed the boy out. Little did she know that we made out at the pavillion at the park too...hehehe...

I mean, what did she expect? I had 2 boyfriends at 4 years old! Player! Of course when pre-school ended I had to kick them to the curb. Kindergarten was coming and there were going to be other boys and I surely wasn't going to get myself tied down to one man so young!

And boy was I right! With kindergarten came Ben Strycker...boy did I chase THAT boy around the playground! Woowee! Of course me being a girl who was obsessed with him automatically did not bode well for our relationship, but I gave it the old college, ok kindergarten, try! Alas, after the puppet string incident in 1st grade it was all over for us...but I 3rd grade there was Brian. We decided on the bus one day that we would be boyfriend and girlfriend. So I told him to kiss me, because being the smart little cookie I was, I knew that was what boyfriends and girlfriends did! Yes my friends, that was my first french kiss, at the tender age of 8. Sloppy, but decent considering the fact that he was less experienced than me.

3rd grade ended my "cute" phase and threw me into my awkwardly skinny, frizzy haired, flat-chested, freckled girl phase. I hated that phase! Talk about a dry spell! I didn't have another man until 6th grade and that was only because he was double-dog dared to be my boyfriend and everyone knows you DO NOT refuse a double-dog dare! You can't! Of course that ended quickly. You just can't force a relationship like that!

Around this time I was getting teased by all the boys because while the rest of the girls at least had fat nipples, I still had nothing. They told me that I would be flat-chested forever. My BFF Rebecca came to my rescue and told the boys they'd be eating their words once we got to high school because I'd have the biggest boobs out of everybody! Who knew she had magical powers? I sure didn't! But I believe that on that day she cursed me. Yes, cursed, not blessed. It is a curse when you end your freshman year of high school as an A cup and a week later walk into drivers ed with a full C cup. Do you know what kind of rumors that starts? I was 15 and the rumor was that I had implants and that I was just recovering really are really smart. The torture continued throughout the school year. "Hey what is it today? Jello or pudding?" To which my response was, "I dunno, how bout you? Socks or a roll of quarters?"

Finally I caved and showed someone, that killed the rumors but then fueled every guys desire to get their hands on those puppies! That and it also fueled the hatred of me by most girls in the school. I had gone from the likeable short skinny girl with no curves to speak of, to the girl with nearly the biggest rack in the school, and that made me an evil bitch and a slut. Didn't you know that big boobs=slut? If you didn't, you do now. Truth is, I didn't actually lose my V-card until 2 months shy of my 18th bday. Though everyone would have liked to believe it was MUCH earlier than that. But that's another story for another day.

The worst thing about getting big boobs when you're young, is that while all your little flat chested friends are shopping at the trendy stores, you have to search high and low for something that will fit and not flatten or over-accentuate (i.e. slut-up) your cleavage. Not an easy task, trust me! I was too skinny for the fat girl store, and to chesty for the trendy stores. I went naked. Not really, but it would make for an interesting story huh?

So back to me being a kiss slut. I've kissed more men than I can remember, some good, some great, some god awful. But let me say this, the worst kiss EVER is the sloppy wet kiss. I want to kiss you, not smell your saliva on my face for the rest of the day! Gross! I'm not your territory! Don't mark me! Yuck!

Best kisser ever was definitely this guy named Brian. He worked at Journey's in the mall and he was a bad boy. I was 18 and oh how I ♥ the bad boys! Not only that but boy oh boy did he rock my world! That was the first time a guy ever pulled my hair and bit my lip when he kissed me and now if a guy doesn't, it's totally ruined for me. Thanks Brian! You upped my kissing kryptonite and I'll always be grateful!

That's all for now, maybe I'll remember more later...maybe I'll have a top ten list like Dave Letterman, maybe not, but you can all look forward to the virginity story...til then...

Friday, April 3, 2009

Least Favorite Things...I think this'll go platinum....

You know that song My Favorite Things from the Sound of Music? Yeah, well I'm gonna re-write it for my purposes of telling you all about some of my LEAST favorite things. :)

Monsoons in spring time and whiskers on women
Over-bright headlights and itchy wool mittens
Brown paper packages covered in tape
These are a few of my least favorite things

Dogs with butt nuggets and the people who own them
Ordering a Big Mac meal with a diet coke
Wild party girls with their nipples exposed
These are a few of my least favorite things

Girls in white outfits with blue undergarments
People who don't know it's to, too, and two
Lake effect snow in the middle of March
These are a few of my least favorite things

When I see a
Girl in spandex
When I'm feeling blonde...
I simply remember my least favorite things and then I don't feeeeeel soooo dumb!!

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

So I was thinking today...

So I was thinking about my ex today. He just popped into my head for some reason. And I was thinking about if we had stayed together and had children. Now, bear in mind that he has two beautiful children who I love dearly, but he has red hair. And is pale as snow. His son, got blonde hair, his daughter got his strawberry blonde hair. And on girls it is too cute, but it would have been my luck that we would have had sons and *shudder* I was horrified at the thought of the little male ginger babies we would have had! lol, that's terrible, but it's soooo true!!

So is it wrong of me to always think of whether or not the potential children I could have with a mate will be attractive or not? I mean, I know I have good genes, but (and especially if they haven't procreated previously) what about them? I mean, how am I to know which genes will show up dominantly in their children? Whew! It makes me really nervous!! I mean, I REALLY lucked out with Ryland looking like me because, quite frankly, his dad has started to look like a cabbage patch doll, and on a 34 year old man that is NOT attractive. He didn't look like that when we hooked up, and Dawn agrees that he's looking weird now too. Anywho, that may make me sound like a heinous bitch, but it's the God's honest truth.

Moving on, yesterday as I was walking in my house (after having to ask my neighbor to have all of the birthday party guests that parked in front of MY house move) I was walking inside and heard a male voice from behind me say"hey", so I turned around and it was this guy in a car. I'm too far away to see who it is. So this guy goes, "hey, what're you doing?" I was like, "I'm gonna go make dinner" rolled my eyes, and started to walk away. And he was like, "what you don't remember your buddy Will?" So I screamed and ran over to him and gave him a hug. So this guy is a very attractive black man who I used to work with at a factory. He wrote me poetry when we worked together and has always wanted me bad. But I've never looked at him like that. I've always thought he was hilarious and smart, but I wasn't attracted to him in a sexual way. So when he called me today, instead of leading him on I laid it out for him. I said look Will you're an amazing person, you're attractive, smart, funny and just an all around great and fun person, but I'm not attracted to you like that. He says he understood, but I know he was hurt. I was really happy to see him though! Sigh...he wrote me another poem last night. It's cute, really it is. The first poem he wrote me was based on my name. Like each letter starting the line was a letter in my name. I feel bad, but he and I are a lot alike and I really value his friendship. I've known him for 2 years now and know that if I haven't developed those feelings for him yet after all the time we spent together, they're just not there for me. Unfortunately they are there BIG TIME for him. He told me "I just don't get it. Every other woman I want, I get. Except for you. You just broke my heart again. I'm over you now. But we're cool, we can still be friends." Which I'm really glad for!

Why? Why me?! Ugh!

My fwb (friend with benefits) stood me up last week. Yeah. Stood up by my fuck buddy. Nice. He even called me 3.5 hours before-hand to confirm plans, and then never showed up. To top it off, he didn't respond to any of my phone calls. I called twice that night and twice the next day and left him one voicemail. Nothing. What's really disappointing was that that was honestly, THE BEST SEX of my life. So I'm really pissed off. I mean, fuck, at least call me and let me know that you're not coming over. Be courteous. Be a courteous jackass. Boo to him.


Wednesday, March 25, 2009


Started proactiv today...we'll see how it works. My forehead and my mouth/chin area have started breaking out REALLY bad lately. It's driving me crazy!!
So, before picture:
Yes, I know it's sideways, tilt your head...

NeoPlanet 2

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Help us please!

I found out today that my grandpa has lung cancer. It is at least Stage 3. He's going in on Thursday for surgery. They are going to take part of his lung, possibly the whole thing. My grandparents can't get the money to pay for the surgery without paying large penalties so my family is going to try to raise the money to pay for it ourselves. We are going to be making and selling diaper cakes, homemade soaps and candles and all proceeds will be going to pay for the surgery costs. If anyone is interested in purchasing some of these please let me know! We can ship them to you too! The soaps come in really fun shapes too! Some of these would be great for kids who want some kind of reward for taking a bath. Scrub up enough and there are toys in your soap!

Loch Ness Monsters
Easter Eggs


Also we have organic soaps that come in Apple Cinnamon and Strawberry Fields. They smell really yummy and have natural exfoliants in them to make your skin silky smooth!

And there are also homemade candles.

And diaper cakes! This is a small one, we can make them as big and ornate as you want!

Front view

Top view, the thing in packaging is washcloths made to look like a lollipop!

Anybody who is interested in ordering ANYTHING, please let me know!!

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Really now....

So, some interesting things have happened lately....

First, there was this tenant who I always had a thing for, but him being a tenant, I never made my move lol, well last week he moved out...after he walked out I thought to myself, I should look him up on myspace...I didn't want to seem like a stalker, so I didn't. Then that night after I put the boys to bed I got online and lo and behold...he had looked me up! Score! I thought that was rather ironic. So clearly there's something there.

So, fast forward a few days and 3 days after he gets my number and says he'll get ahold of me...nothing I shoot him a little note on myspace saying that I was disappointed that he no longer wanted to do naughty things with me...he of course responded saying that he didn't do naughty things, he was a well behaved young man...but that he seriously had been thinking about doing naughty things with me for awhile. So I told him to get on the ball because I never stay single for long! He responds with this...

Sounds like we are pretty much both on the same page. My only question is what do you want from this?? Is this just 2 adults enjoying each others company, or are you after something serious?

So I tell him the truth. That if he wants something serious, I can try, but can't promise that I'll be able to dedicate the time to a full blown relationship at this time. And that if we're just gonna hang out and it turns serious, great, if not, that's fine, but that either way it'll be fun because damnit I'm fun! But really, I'd quite like to rape the hell out of him! :)

He read it...and didn't respond...grrr...I hate that!

So then, I'm doing a lease at work today and one of my tenants (an older black man, about 60 or so) walks in with a bag and sits it down on my desk. I look and there are flowers in said bag. I'm like, "oh are those for me? Thanks!" He tells me yeah, it's for st. patricks day. Weird, but ok. So he leaves, and like an hour later I remember so I look in the bag. Flowers, Juice, Raisins, and a card. Yeah, you can't make this shit up. Apparantly I need some more fiber in my I read the card. It says, and I quote, typos and all (with a few interjections from me):

Hello! Beautiful, I know we talk a little at your office about a lot of things, I was just curious if you could use a special friend in your life at this time. (special friend, like a doll? not quite.) You've been saying your a single parent and I am single, maybe you would like to have someone around who would say and do nice things for and to you. (Did you catch that last part? The "to you". Can I just say that gave me the huhhhs.) Some things about me, I am an Industrial engineer out of work, drawing benefit checks until the economy picks up. I have 5 degrees in business and technolgies. From Chicago and living here in Elkhart for 4 years. My last girlfriend is in jail for none payment of child support, she's white with 4 kids and I don't know when she gets out.

He signed it and included his cell phone number.

You don't believe me? Here's a picture of me with my juice and raisins! Gotta love that fiber!!!

In other news, the bear got his first tooth yesterday! Oh, and Kaiden destroyed his tv, it won't even turn on. How he did it, I have no idea, but he did! So now, he goes to sleep with no movies. That first night was rough, but after I told him he didn't get to cry about something that HE did, it's been ok. I told him that even thought mommy COULD get him a new TV, she won't. He went to bed with absolutely no problems last night. This could be the night time salvation I've been looking for all along!

Pictures of the bear:

Bananas are my favorite!!!

I'm trying to crawl mom!!

And I've started on Ultra 90...I'll keep you all abreast of how that far so good! Oh, and I'm also starting the curly girl hair method, also known as no-poo! (no shampoo ya sickos!)

Til next time!

xoxo- Janice

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

You put the lime in the cocunut...

So Friday Ry and I drove the 3.5 hours to the Indianapolis airport for our 1:55pm flight to LaGuardia. Picture this. Me with Ry in his Snuggie on my front, carrying my purse, the diaper bag, another small bag, the big rolling suitcase, and his myself...can we say OMGWTF?!?!!! So...with all this stuff I get up to the check in counter and find out that the flight has been delayed an hour and a half which is going to make me miss my connecting flight in LaGuardia to Syracuse. Great. So they rebook me for a 4:45 flight...which gets delayed to 5:30! lol, so I make the most of it!

I got my first pedicure ever and Ry was the most amazingly well behaved child (as usual). I picked up a book at the bookstore that I think everyone should read. It's called "Are you there Vodka? It's me, Chelsea." It's by comedienne Chelsea Handler and OMG talk about a LOL kind of book! I was snort-laughing my way through the entire book! The fact that she refers to her father as "bitch tits" just killed me! Then the part about her red-headed boyfriend's "pitcher's mound" downstairs...HI-larious!! Found out from my pedicurist that she also has a book where she documents her one-night stands. Each chapter is a new man! Can't wait to read it!

Above is a pic of Ry and me at the salon getting my pedi! And below is him sitting in a chair at the salon playing like the little angel he is!
So anyway, we get on our little puddle jumper to DC and Ry sleeps the way there and is just perfect. We get to DC and let me just say that I really hate that airport. I just do. It's crowded and full of yuppies ignoring their children because they're too busy talking about stocks, politics, and paint colors. Shockingly this flight boarded ON TIME! Just a gate change this time! Regardless, the flight was good, and Ry slept again!
So, we finally land, and I drag my exhausted ass off the plane and there's Daniel. At this point, I'm so tired I could have cared less if the a horny leprechaun had met me, I just wanted out of airports period. So, being Syracuse, NY it was snowing (shocking, I know) and it took something like 2 hours to get to Ft. Drum. I slept the entire way. When we got to the apartment everything was in the living room and all the bedroom doors were closed. Odd, but ok. He had purchased a baby swing for Ry and already had the pack n play set up for him. So Ry and I laid down on the bed to sleep while he put the swing together. Swing got put together and all I wanted to do was sleep. Think that happened? If you said no you guessed right! Hell, it had been awhile, so I went for it, and lemme tell ya, I'm gonna have to talk to my doctor because I feel like I'm 10 years old again. Even tampons hurt. Something's not quite right. So I finally got to fall asleep at like 3:30/4am. Ry was up at 7. Daniel slept til like 9 and then got up and got donuts from the store because he had like NO food. He had some rice krispies and some Vitamin D milk. I DON'T do Vitamin D milk. Can't do it. Just can't. forward to Ry's first nap and I want to, 3, I want to take a NAP!! Well...let's just say I had to force him off me so that I could sleep. He slightly redeemed himself by taking care of Ry for an hour while I slept. After I woke up I decided to take a shower and get ready for dinner. I got all cuted up and told him to get in the shower and get ready. He did. And his idea of ready was a wrinkly t-shirt and some jeans. No. Just no. Turns out that he has 5 shirts. 2 of which should NEVER be worn in public and should be burned quite frankly. So finally I got him in a dress shirt and we left. We went to Applebee's for dinner and I ordered a steak. Unfortunately when I got the steak, it had a big tendon running through the middle that made me throw up in my mouth a little so they made me a new one, which came out not done well enough so they took it back and cooked it longer. Through all of this the waiter was nothing but polite, got us our drinks promptly, took our order prompty, wasn't overbearing in any way, did everything right. So during dinner Daniel tells me that "I really should have waited for a corner booth because I have a hard time with people being behind me ever since Iraq". Really? It's fucking Applebee's. I don't think that Osama is gonna jump out of the woodwork and kick your ass! So, we got up to leave and I looked at what Daniel had written down as a tip. There was a line through the tip spot. Yup. He was gonna stiff our server. OH HELL NO! I told him to fix it NOW. He did and I personally delivered it to the server and apologized. After that, I was done. So let me list the transgressions:

1. No food in the house but a 52" flat screen TV.

2. 5 "shirts" ( but really only 3 of them count) but a 52" flat screen TV.

3. Constantly trying to get at it after I told him repeatedly that this was not going to be sex fest 09.

4. The "PTSD". I don't buy it. If you have PTSD if fucks you up to go anywhere. Not just Applebee's. You'd be paranoid about the farmer behind you in line at Wal-Mart.
5. Not tipping the waiter.
6. He looked like he was going to die. 150lbs on a 6'2" frame is not a good look. Not for him at least.

7. He told me he spent $600 on his daughter for Christmas, but has no clothes, no food, no furniture and a 52" flat screen TV.

8. I can't lie very well.

I realized that we are two VERY DRASTICALLY different people. That, and Sunday morning when I woke up I discovered Daniel sleeping on the floor. I woke up at 7:30am. He woke up at 11:30am and I asked him why he slept on the floor. Well...apparantly he tried to cuddle up to me the night before and I (while sleeping!!) said "ugh, move!" and then, "This is a waste of my time". Talk about breaking it to him gently! Jesus. I had no response when he told me I had said that because, well, I was done. Needless to say I was on my way to the airport 2 hours later. And guess who took me? You're never going to believe this one; Don. My ex-fiance Don took me to the airport. And it wasn't awkward at all shockingly enough! It was actually kinda fun!
So we got the airport at 2:55, flight was at 3:15. I haul ass up there to go through security and the metal detector goes off, they make me step aside to get searched. It's 3:05. They pulled EVERYTHING out of the diaper bag and tested it. Really. Do I look that dangerous? Does Ry look that dangerous? Turns out it was my wal-mart bra clasp setting it off. Thanks a lot Vassarette! So I start RUNNING to the gate. Mind you Ry is in a snuggie and I've got a purse and a diaper bag too. This had to look hilarious and/or pitiful. Either way it sucked! And when I got to the gate, my flight was....guess....DELAYED!! Gah! Oh well, ran for nothing! Eventually we got on the plane and took off to Philly. Here's a picture of Ry in the food court at Philly. Now, Philly's airport I love! Lots of shopping, everyone was polite! It was great! Then we flew from Philly to Indy sitting next to a Pilot with whom Ry was fascinated! Of course, he had an awesome hat and badge! So we get to Indy and here I am again, trying to wrangle all the luggage and the baby and the carseat AND to remember where I parked! Finally I found it, but damn! So then we drove to Anderson and spent the rest of my Vacay with Amanda and her wee ones and we had a blast! She has a baby girl who is 9 days older than Ry but such a peanut! She's only like 13lbs! Here's some pictures of the lovers!

Aren't they just too cute?! They loved each other! And she and I are like long lost sisters! Strange how we met, but I love it! We've got a great back story for our friendship!
So, even though everything didn't go as planned, I don't regret it, because if I hadn't gone, I'd have never known, and let's be honest, be going there and it not working out is a LOT easier than having him come here and it not working out. :)

Monday, February 16, 2009

Long Lost Brother

So yesterday the boys and I headed over to my Uncle Todd & Aunt Kate's house. We're sitting around and I asked how my newest little brother, Dakota, is doing. Kate showed me some pictures and they told me he's up to 5lbs now, which is double what he was born at, so yay! Then Kate asked me if I had ever met my other brother Brandon. At first I thought she was talking about my bio dad's step-son, but she was talking about my half-brother that I knew existed, but knew nothing about other than he was male and younger than me. Thus began my search for my little brother. And I found him! And he wants to meet me too! I'm so excited!

Friday, February 13, 2009

new day

It's a new day...but I'm still creeped out about the nasty jacking-off-on-the-phone creepy stalker guy...but I changed my number so hopefully *fingers crossed* it's all good now.

One week from today Ry and I are flying to New York to see Daniel! I'm so excited! I can't wait to get there!

Tonight I have to go babysit my nephew Zachary for 2 hours, that's gonna be fun, except for the fact that Ry will be exhausted by the time we leave, and I'm gonna have to do a drive thru dinner. least I got my tax refund back today! woohoo!!

In other news, I have a giant pimple and it's really pissing me off. My sister tells me to stop whining cuz I never get them, but damnit, when I do they're awful!! Like, make you wanna put a paper bag over your head awful! Yuck!
So I got some new siggies from siggie town today and I absolutely love them!!

Aren't they beautiful?!?! I think these are my favorites ever! Amy did an amazing job! Thanks Amy!

Ok, well....that's it for now.... be continued.........

Thursday, February 12, 2009

I'm fucking scared

Last week I received a phone call from a Restricted number at about 8:30am. When I answered it the person said in a low breathy voice "I wanna fuck you in your ass" I hung up. They called back about 15 times and when I answered I yelled into the phone "STOP FUCKING CALLING ME!!"

I just received another phone call. Again restricted. And again they said the same thing, "I wanna fuck you in your ass". This time, I stayed on the phone and listened and it sounded like this guy was masturbating while he was on the phone. Like he was getting off on scaring the shit out of me. Well guess what, it worked! I called the police and they're sending someone out to take a statement because I'm fucking terrified. Crazy ass shit happens these days and I don't want to be another girl who's story makes it into Cosmo warning other girls of what I should have done. Fuck that!

Men, Monsoon's, and Meetings, oh my!

So, it's been a minute since I blogged. Dawn is due in 15 days, and I'm really excited to meet Ry's little brother Addison! Is that weird? Well, even if it is, I don't care! She and I have become really good friends and we're there for each other, because really, we know Adam won't be and we want the boys to know each other. The new baby that's due in July...honestly, I could care less because I despise it's mother. I think she's manipulative and deceptive and I don't trust her as far as I can throw her. Which is not that far! She of course now has her default pic on myspace set as her ultrasound picture and her new myspace name is "fakin bacon pimp shit" of course spelled with all the really cool upper case, lower case, ! instead of an I, and a $'re 32 and you still do that shit? Anyway. Since I last blogged they broke up and got back together twice...(and I'm the immature one? please!) Oh, and you know how she's supposedly on bed rest? Well...her status lately has been things like, had a long day at work....I'm so tired!, Back to work tomorrow! The weekends aren't long enough! etc, etc, etc....really now....bed rest means no work....I was on bedrest with Kaiden and threatened it when I was pg with Ry...NO WORK...very interesting....but oh well, Adam's dumb enough that he won't question it. He thinks with his dick. Always has, always will.

Moving on....

Work is going really really well. I had my yearly review last week and my boss was very pleased with the work I've been doing and really complimented me on how much I've improved over the last year. (I started where I am as the assistant property manager and 2 months later we got bought out by the company I work for now and I moved up to Property Manager.) When I started I didn't know Jack. The previous manager didn't really tell me much about the financial aspect of the business or auction procedures and a lot of things the previous company did was illegal and wrong, and I didn't know. So, everone just assumed I knew and I had to figure almost all of it out on my own, plus learn all new software, and I was pregnant and I moved, and yeah, it was a nightmare. So we discussed my future goals with the company. I told him that I want to move up into a marketing position at the home office eventually. He said that if that's what I want he's going to help me get there. So this week we had our quarterly meeting in Indy. ( I got a full night's sleep!! Yay!!!) We have a new property manager, Karen, who is older than time and by the end of yesterday I wanted to punch her. She's old, but I wanted to punch her. And here's why:

We had a brainstorming session/challenge where we were divided into 4 groups and everyone had a different challenge to come up with a solution to where money was no object. Ours was how to get more people in the door, LeAnn was the one writing everything down, I was the speaker, and LeAnn and I were the ones coming up with EVERYTHING while Karen shoots everything down. 'Well we don't have anything in LaPorte. That wont work.' A constant barrage of no, no, no, stupid, hate it, no, no, negative, life sucks, eat shit and get the picture. So finally I looked at her and I'm like "look, we cannot just focus on YOU we have to focus on everyone's properties. We've got 5 minutes left and we've got nothing. Be quiet and quit shooting everything down!" We ended up coming up with a great idea that everybody loved that Karen claimed "just would never work." Kiss it ya old bat!

So after the meeting I went and met Autumn, the girl who sued me almost 4 years ago and I was on judge judy with, at a local bar. Her father passed away last year and he was awesome and they were very close. I found out and sent her a myspace message sending my condolences and we both decided that the past was the past and we wanted to reconnect and catch up with each other. It was so much fun! I missed hanging out with her so much!

So I left Indy around 5:15...during, apparantly, monsoon season in central Indiana! I mean, it was awful!! Stop lights out everywhere, traffic backed up forever! It took me almost 2 hours to get out of Indy! And I wasn't even downtown! I was on 96th St.!! I got back to Elkhart and got my kids at 8:40, packed them up, drove home, pulled into my complex and went "DAMNIT!!!"
No power. No fucking power. So I ran in, lit a candle, gathered up clothes and diapers and such and went BACK to my moms and stayed the night there. Yeah, fun.

Today I get to work and Microsoft has updated my computer, and in the process, severely effed it up! Got it fixed, but for a second there I was panicking hardcore!

So life's been interesting, as usual, but good. Oh yeah, we got cable and all that at home now! So now when Kaiden is irritating the holy bejesus out of me, I can just turn on the Imagination Movers and he's in a whole other world! Score!

Well...that's it for now...happy blogging!!

Saturday, January 31, 2009

*gag* I think I just threw up in my mouth a little

Surprise, surprise! The two little love birds are back together again! Seriously? Good lord. I love you! I hate you! I love you! I hate you! I love you! I hate you! It's getting old!

Anywho, apparantly whoever made up the shit that got me kicked out of WHC is off running their mouth again with untrue tales of my life. This time apparantly I asked a fellow WHCer to adopt my children from me. Yup. You read it right. Adopt my kids for me.

In reality, this conversation DID take place, but it was a JOKE! I was stressed, tired, fighting with my mom, had broken up with my fiancee, kids not sleeping, etc, etc, etc, and said "Hey wanna adopt a toddler? lol" or "toddler for sale!" Something along those lines, and really, haven't we all said that a time or two? Seriously now. Of course she said she would absolutely take them! And maybe a part of me WAS serious, but it was a moment of complete and utter desperation on my part. And the fact that 4 or 5 months after it happened it's being talked about, wow. Somebody's really bored. I'm just glad that a true friend came to me and asked me what had really happened. It's nice to know that some people still care.

On another note, I threatened to punch a UPS driver in the face yesterday. Yup. He decided that on a "no signature required" package, he wanted a signature. Look buddy, if I had wanted you to require a sig I would have asked for it! Just leave the shit on my doorstep!

Kaiden decided to make a concoction out of the fridge contents the other night. The result was a bottle of juicy juice apple juice with large carrots and mandarin orange slices in it. Yum. And of course in the process of opening the juice he spilled it on the floor. Nice. Sticky juice. Underfoot. woo hoo. I should have taken a picture, but I didn't.
Look how much my baby has grown up! This first pic was about 1.5 years ago.

And this weekend, he lost
his baby face! He's a little man now!! God it's scary how much he looks like his dad!

And a picture of Ry Bear!

Anywho, life is what it always is...DRAMA filled! I just can't wait to go to New York and see Daniel!!

Friday, January 30, 2009

Hmm...guess she IS pregnant...

And to top it all off she sent me a really nice email....umm...yeah....right!

Ok YOU wanna get real lets get REAL!!!!, First of all why dont you and TINA tell me how i faked that! Hope you two enjoy the picture. So much for doing whats best for the kids huh Janice? since my child is fake!!! I never did a fucking thing to either one of you. You may have your issues with Adam but i was never a part of them. I have always told him i was not a part of it and to make his own chioce and i would respect whatever choice he made. I was never anything but polite and respectful to either of you. And i dont owe either one of you a fucking thing, I owe you NO explanation or proof of anything! And i most of all have nothing to prove to Anyone. So since the to of you are so hell bent on putting my name in your mouths so often i am 14 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I'm sure between the 2 of you smart ones yur smart enough to do that math on that one, and figure out that Adam was home and living with me at that point in time. I am sorry if i offened you with a liltte stick figure. A real women would'nt have been so easily offened! My ONE and ONLY intention with that was to include EVERYONE. You yourself are the one that pointed out that you were afraid that now that i was in the picture and my new fake baby that i made up that Ryland was going to be forgot about. I was only trying to show that WAS NOT and WOULD NOT be the case by any means at all. I was in NO way trying to call any kind of dibs over him or say he was anything more to me at this point then the man i love son! i was never trying to take your place nor would i have ever tried to do that. I am after all a Single mother of 3, and i know by every means of the word how important that is. I wouldnt try to take that from anyone. But for some reason you and Tina have decided to take out an all on war on me, complete with a personal attack on the kind of person i am. Were the fuck either of you think you have ANY right at all i have no fucking clue. You wanna talk about over stepping your bonds. You two jump over that bitch and then stomped all the fuck over it. But thats cool you two wanna war? game on!!! And for you of all people to talk shit about me you would'nt have shit right now if it was'nt for me i was the one that found the lawyer and went to all the appt.s and dealt with all the phone calls, and informed adam of everything he needed to get for the lawyer and made sure he had it. Just to make sure your ass got child support to make sure that baby was takin care of, because if you remember right Adam was in NO postion to do so. SO your welcome to your oh so in greatful ass. You two can now remove my name from your mouths. I will no longer wish to be a part of all this childish high school bullshit. I mean grow the fuck up all ready. "Adults" do not judge others nor talk shit behind ones back. Just on the intent of trying to figure out how your tiny brains work i'm wondering what would be my purpose for lying about being pregnant. I do NOT want anything from adam nor will i ever. I have never taking anything from him at all no matter what it my be not one penny, not help, not anything. Despite his continuious offers to attemp to help i have taken nothing. I have paid for everything myself and done everything myself! Can you say that........ Thats what i thought! And unlike you i dont have a mommy to run to nor a daddy for that matter. I have myself. So now that the two of you have made Adam completely miserable i hope you two are totally proud of yourselves. Besides that when i have to get the same paternity test that you yourself had to have (being as thats army law) and it shows what we both fully knew and never questioned, YOU BOTH CAN KISS MY FUCKING ASS!!!!!! By the way dont waste your time responding. Because i will not waste my time reading it, i will delete it with no regaurd for you at all. I mean i think you both only deserve the same respect you have shown me..... Goodbye and Good day!!!
Whatever...maybe if she hadn't been so busy trying to make sure that Adam was spending time with her and her kids instead of with his REAL child I would have gone a little easier on her. Maybe. BUT! Seeing as how she didn't, fuck her. And judging by her myspace she left him. Again. What is this the 5th time they've broken up since October when they started dating?! Talk about high school bullshit, THAT is some high school bullshit! She knew about both me and dawn in October, what did she think she was getting into? A peaceful little commune where everybody has Adam's babies and holds hands and sings fucking Kumbayah?! I don't think so! When you have 3 babies mama's in less than 12 months...shit isn't going to be fucking rainbow's and butterflies! I mean really, did he think he wasn't going to have a lot of shit blow up in his face? All the lies, manipulation, deceit, and just general bad behavior was gonna catch up with him sooner or later and it just got him sooner than he ever thought possible. But he can't stand to look bad..."OH NO! People will think I'm a piece of shit, which I am, but for people to actually think that! :O Banish the thought!" Now he's saying that there's going to be hell to pay when he comes home. The only hell he's going to pay is when he realizes that he has NO rights to Ryland. None. And he should know that, he doesn't even have control over his own money right now.
Oh, and to clarify, Tina is Adam's older sister. She had emailed me telling me that she also didn't think Dana was pg. I told him I wasn't the only one who thought she was faking it and he pestered and pestered and peseterd as to who it was until I finally cracked and told him. She's pissed at me, but he would have found out eventually and I'm tired of all the secrets!!!
And to top it all off Adam tried to tell me that I need to leave Dawn alone and quit talking to her because I am stressing her out, not him. Oh no, never him! So I called and asked her last night about it. She said it was absolutely NOT me stressing her out. That it had ALWAYS been him causing the stress and that she was glad I told her stuff because if I didn't she would have been completely in the dark about all his lies and deception. So there jackass! Don't be jealous just because I will know Addison better than you ever will. That's your own damn fault. It's called a fucking condom. Use it, know it, love it Bitch!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Shove it jerk wad response to him....

Ok, you wanna get real? I don't even fucking know where you are! How am I supposed to just know the time difference? Don't be rude about it! If you dont' want to talk to your son, fine, don't talk to him. But yes, showing a baby a picture of someone and then hearing their voice, he would know who you are when you come home, but you don't believe me so I'm not going to even try to get it through your head.
And another real thing, and maybe you should really think about this because I'm not the only one who thinks so, a few of your family members have come to me and said that they don't think Dana is really pregnant. That was something I didn't even bring up and they said it to me, so maybe you should really think hard and do some thinking because there are a lot of things that don't add up about her pregnancy. I wasn't going to say anything about that, but your email just really pissed me off. QUIT TELLING ME HOW MUCH YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH!!! GUESS WHAT, I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH EITHER!! You've told me before about how hard it is for you over there, so maybe I should just tell you how much I really don't fucking care what your'e going through. I do care. You're Ryland's father and therefore are going to be a very integral part of his life if you so choose. And guess what, whether you like it or not, I am always going to be in your life so get used to it.
I truely hope that one day you and I can have a friendly relationship like Kaiden's father and I do, but as stubborn and bullheaded as you are I don't know if that's going to happen. I'm trying to make amends for any and all drama I was a part of, but you just won't let me! You talk about letting the past be the past, so that's what I'm doing, and look what it got me! Another shitty ass email from you!
Take your own advice.
And I never tried to tell you how to be a father! Never! Not once! But when you come home, you're not gonna know anything about him or his likes, dislikes so I'm going to try to help you with that for his sake! Not yours! I'd rather my son be having fun and enjoying his time with you rather than him being miserable while you figure out what he does and doesn't like. Eventually you'll learn enough about each other where you won't need my help to bond with him, but initially you will.
And as far as Dawn goes, she contacted me first, and that was well after she had already been stressed out by you. She and I are communicating so that we can raise these boys together as brothers. So just drop it because she and I are not going to stop talking to each other any time soon.

Ugh....still hate him!!!


Ok, so I tried to make nice and whatever, this is the fucking response I get back from him...

First off between 6:30 and 8:30 isnt going to work for me. Im 8 hrs ahead of you. So do the math. Not gonna happen. I would also like to say that i personally dont think me callin to talk to him will make a difference. The whole thing about the study, yeah thats great. I was told unless the baby already has an idea of who you are just a voice isnt going to do shit.When i say i will call from time to time, trust me it wont be every week. It will be when i can get here to make a phone call. I also dont give a shit if you feel like your loosing your mind. Lets get it straight, i dont care about anything but Ryland. What your going through or anything alse pertaining to you is not a thought or a care for me. You have persistantly pushed buttons and have stressed out alot of ppl. You talk about being a grown woman, to bad you dont always act like one. Its funny to me that Dawn always complains to me about how i stress her out. I told her that the only time she says that is after she talks to you. I wonder if there is some connection there. Yeah, i really think, i mean know there is. I also think she is going to start realizing that to. I suggest you leave everyone else alone, let them live there lives and just focus on doing the job of being a mother. I dont need to be told how to be a father. Thanks i will figure it out on my own. If i do need help, i have plenty of family members that know everything i would need to know about kids. Thanks.

Ugh!! I hate him!!! Seriously, sometimes I wish he'd just get shot and never come home...I know that sounds awful...but UGH he has caused nothing but stress in my life from day 1.


Let me breakdown the list of players right now so that people are more or less confused lol
Adam-Ry's dad
Dawn-Adam's ex that he got pg while I was pg with Ry
Addison-the baby boy Dawn is due with in 4 weeks
Dana-the skeezy tramp of a gf that Adam is with right now who claims that she is pg and due in July and that she already knows the baby is a girl....and that she knew that she was a girl in early December....yeah, right...

So, Monday I saw the stick figure family and got PISSED. I called Dawn to let her know because I felt she had the right to know since Addison is her unborn child. She was equally as pissed off as me. So I sent Adam an email and this is what I said verbatim:

I'm not trying to be a bitch, but would you please have Dana take Ryland off of her page. He is not her son. Until you two are married I feel that she is over-stepping her boundaries by having him on there as a "Hawn" when in fact he is not a Hawn he is a Pietrzak. I don't have pictures of other people's children on my page and don't feel it is appropriate for her to have my child on her page. Yes, I know he is your child too and you having him on your page is one thing, you're his father, but until you two are married she is nothing to him. I feel rather violated seeing my son on her page. I do not know her. Again, not being bitchy, I just feel very uncomfortable and felt very upset when I saw that. I'm sure you'll understand. Thanks.

he says he understands my concern and is sure she meant nothing by it but that he forwarded her the message. I thanked him for understanding.

Then he decides to start the 20 questions game.

While im on here, i am curious if you are seeing anyone? Im curious, because of what you said about not knowing Dana. If you are seeing someone, i feel i have the right to know what kind of person he is. I would like to know what kind of people my son are going to be around! Thanks

Asshole. I told him I am seeing someone. A few details about him, yada yada yada.

He starts asking how long I've known him, etc, etc, etc...

Is he from around here? Whats his name? Is he getting out due to the injury? Or is he just healing up and staying in?

He's from Arkansas. He's moving here for me. His name is Daniel. He's getting out due to his injury.

How old is this guy? How bad of an injury was it? How long have you known him?

He is 26. He had to have surgery on his shoulder due to the injury. he was medivaced out. I've known him long enough.

Long enough huh. Doesnt quite cut it for me. My neice met guys off the internet before. Thats why im very curious. I have known Dana for somewhere in the ballpark of atleast 12 to 13 years. Thats why i ask. Sorry to pry, but in the interest of who will be around my son, i feel like i have that right.

Well that's interesting to me because when I talked to his girlfriend she said that she had met him in December 2007....13 years eh? wow....maybe 13 MONTHS is more like it! anyway...

Good lord adam i am a grown woman. i didn't meet him on the internet. my best friend set us up. And i think you owe ry and me an apology for skipping out on the only first holiday of his you could have attended because you wanted to take dana's kids trick or treating instead of coming and seeing your son. That's just wrong. seriously. you knew you were going to miss EVERY first holiday of his but spending time with her children was more important. i get it. now, go get curious about somebody else's life. look, im not wanting to argue about this stuff that you cant go back and change but you're just setting the tone for how you're going to act when you're good and that makes me sad for ry's sake.

Well for starters, lets remember back that when halloween was here. I know speaking from my experience, i couldnt tell you what i did or whoo may have or have not been around me for my first halloween. So do you really believe he is going to grow up and say dad your an asshole for not going trick or treating for my first halloween. I hadnt found out Ryland was even my kid. did you ever consider that might have played into my decision. And do me a favor and leave Dana out of this! She is dealing with enough stress of her own with out you trash talkin about her. I dont appreciate that at all, and neither does she. This is between you and i for now. Once im home, then and only then will we be concerned about Dana. I have made my own decisions as far as he is concerned. Lets also> remember that once i did find out he was my son. We made plans for me to see him. Im very well aware of the fact i will miss out on some holidays with him. Thats nothing i have any control over right now. If you have doubts, just ask your man. If he is in the army he should know just as much as i do how things work. When i get home i fully intend to include him in as much as i can and that you will compromise with. If thats not good enough for you now, then i dont know what to tell you. I do give a shit about my sons well being. You really do like to stir the pot dont you. You had to contact Dawn to get her all worked up. Nice! She doesnt need to be any more stressed out either, but you couldnt resist getting her all worked up over something that isnt even that big of a deal to me. If i was the both of you, i would be happy she included both of the kids. That just means they are just as important as any of the other kids. Im sure you didnt> consider that because you were to worked up over the fact that it says "The Hawns". Dana had no intention of offending anyone. Just let it go, If thats the biggest thing you have to worry about, i feel sorry for you. Neither Dawn nor Dana need to be stressed out anymore than they already are. So give them a break and let them relax and quit stirring the drama pot. It will all be ok. Yes i acknowledge he is a Pietrzak, have never said he wasnt. Lets also not forget, he is half Hawn, whether you like it or not.

Good god i'm not the one stirring the pot. As a mother, dana should have known how another mother would feel about seeing their child displayed as someone else's. i'm not the only one who thought she was over stepping her boundaries. and as far as telling dawn, she had a right to know, that's her unborn child and she thanked me for telling her. and when did i talk shit about dana? as far as my boyfriend goes do you want his phone number? you can call and talk to him yourself. and as far as doubting if ry was yours, i told you from day one he couldn't have been anyone else's, and them that was also confirmed by the ultrasound, and by the doctor. all of that just wasn't good enough for you. you're a jack ass. you haven't even called to let ry hear your voice or anything since you left. yeah, you're doing a great job making sure he remembers you. how are those videos of you reading coming along? what, haven'tstarted? why an i not surprised. by the way, OUR son is wearing 18-24 month stuff right now and he has his 6 month check up next tuesday. but i've decided that im going to stop telling you how he's doing unless you take the time to ask me.

Man i guess i should have just took your word or believed a picture on a monitor to mean he was mine. Sorry if i needed more proof than your word. Deal with it. I could give shits less about the past. But you seem to want to cling to every little detail. Let the fucking past be the fucking past. If you would like to know about the videos, yes i am working on them but considering the location im at makes it a little more difficult. My bad im stuck in a shit hole of a third world country. I will complain to someone so maybe they will make your life better. I miss him very much for the record. I wouldnt mind hearing him. But for how long is a kid his age going to be amazed by a telephone, and lets be real. He isnt going to realize that im on the other end, and then be like wow, thats my daddy! I will continue to contact you the way i have been, if thats not good enough. Well then thats just to bad. I am and will work on the videos, im waitin for the px to get in some thumb drives so i can even transfer them. Kinda hard to do with out the right equipment. As far as Dana and you talkin shit about her, maybe you didnt intend for it to sound that way. Everytime you include her in any thing pertaining to me and my decisions. She takes offense to that. Why you ask? Because you have made it seem as if she was an influence in my decisions. Trust me that was not at all nor has been the case. But thats the way she took it. I tend to agree with her. I would like to move past all the retarded drama queen shit and deal with what really needs to be dealt with. If that isnt good enough for you, im sorry. We should just move past all this shit and try to be a little more grown up. I have asked you how things have been. I just sent you a msg last week asking. Im sorry if the fact im not contacting you everyday isnt good enough. I will be in touch, do me a favor and quit being so melodramatic and get your head out of the past. Lets focus on the now and the future for him. I will contact you very soon.

Look, I understand the difficulty with being over there and the videos. But as far as calling, you would be surprised at how smart he is. He knows several people's voices already. If he hears your voice now, when you come back he's going to know who you are. They've done studies and babies can remember someone just based on their voice. So I do think it would be beneficial as far as you two bonding for you to call and speak to him like once a week. Sorry for being kinda dramatic, PMS combined with a severe lack of sleep is a real bitch, lol.

I'm going to take the boys to get pictures done here in the next week or two so I'll email you some if they give me a disc of pictures.

Do you know anything about the insurance and all that for Ry? (and please tell me if I'm forgetting that we've discussed this before if we have because I feel like I'm losing my mind lately!) I haven't received any paperwork about that lately and I need to give the drs office his new insurance info when I take him next week.

Oh, and tell Dana I'm sorry if I offended her, it wasn't my intention at all. Did she understand why I got upset?

Umm....I think that's it for now. Take care.

So, I'm trying to be nice and he's just kinda shitty right back...

Some things i need to clear up. Im sure Ryland is a very smart baby. I have never doubted that. I will call from time to time. I need to know when and what time is best to do so. I do appreciate you sending pics and videos. I am trying to work on those. In due time i will send some. I prolly wont be reading any books due to the fact there isnt any kids books over here. As far as the insurance goes. They arent going to send you anything in the mail. You will have to take him to the National Guard Armory in South Bend. It is on Kemble St. Thats the best i can do with its location, i have been there twice myself. They will be able to take care of it all for you. You will most likely need to bring all his paperwork and the paternity test results. You dont have that stuff they wont help you. They can be anal about things, thats the army in general. From here on, if it doesnt directly concern Ryland then there is nothing we need to discuss. Im speaking of things in general. I dont care that you had a bad week from pms or lack of sleep. I will not take the frustration of what i deal with over here or anything i may be dealing with back home out on you, i would expect atleast that in return. So i will call after you let me know when and what time is best. Just out of curiousity, if Dana would have made the stick figure family without Ryland and Addison that wouldnt of bothered you? Or if i had been the one to make it on my page, it would of been ok then right? Just curious!

A good time to call would be from 6:30-8:30pm here any day, he's very fun and giggly during those hours. Thank you for the info on the insurance.
If dana had made the family without them it wouldn't have bothered me one bit. As far as your page, I can't see it, so I never would have known, and yeah, that would have been fine because they are your children.
I know you don't care why I acted the way I did, I just wanted to let it be known that I felt like I was losing my fucking mind because of those things.
I'll let you know how his dr's appointment goes on Tuesday. He was already 19.5lbs two weeks ago so I'm sure he's over 20 now! He's a freakin giant. Anyway, I'll be in touch and just email me before you call that way I'm prepared and not giving him a bath or something like that, k? Thanks.

So, yeah, DRAMA...again...what's new! lol

Monday, January 26, 2009

That's my kid, not yours

It's hard to describe the sick feeling I got in my stomach this morning when I looked at her myspace page. There, on her little stick figure family was MY BABY BOY. Mine. Not hers. Mine. Under the title "the Hawns". Yup. Guess what. That's not his last name, and until you're married to him you are NOTHING TO MY CHILD!!!!! I could seriously spit nails I'm soooo pissed off. Then, I look at her photo's and yet again, MY BABY BOY!!!!! Bitch, I don't know you! DO NOT PUT ANYTHING REGARDING MY FUCKING SON ON YOUR GODDAMN PAGE!!!!

I really just don't understand why people think it is OK to over step boundaries like that! At first I thought that maybe I was overreacting. So I asked my mom. She said that I was definitely NOT overreacting and that Dana had no place putting pictures of MY son on her page. If Adam has pics of him that's great! HE is his FATHER, SHE is NOTHING! UGH! The nerve of some people!!! I haven't been able to fucking think straight all day!!

In other news, I finally got cable and internet yesterday. Well I ordered it. It won't be installed til next week. But yay! No more fuzzy shows! And on demand fluff to quiet the kiddos!! yahoo!!

Still pissed. Fucking bitch. I really don't even think she's pregnant actually. Too many things don't add up.

Friday, January 23, 2009


He said he'll come here! Just on the condition that we will go and visit his family often, which I have no problem with. Oh, and that I finally get cable :D lol

Thank God!!!

I just can't

I just got done talking to my mom, and she confirmed for me what, in my heart, I knew all along. I can't leave this place. More importantly I can't leave my family and everything I've ever known.

Call me Puff...or is it the anti-Puff

Why haven't they figured out teleportation yet? I mean seriously...we've been waiting on this for how many decades now? If they had figured out teleportation, then the dilemma I'm facing now would be a no brainer. I spent about 3 hours last night bawling my eyes out.

My boyfriend and I want to get married. I love him more than I can even begin to describe.

There's just one problem; he's from Arkansas and wants me to move there with him. If I can't, we can't be together. He promised his mother and grandmother like 4 years ago that when he got out of the Army he would come back to Arkansas and help take care of them and such. He also promised his nephew that he would come back and coach his baseball, football, soccer, you name it, teams.

I can picture in my head the life that we've planned out. The house we want to build, the kids we want to have, all of it. And I want that more than anything. But all I can think about is how much leaving could destroy Kaiden. Taking him away from his father and his nana would be devastating for him.

See, I can picture that in my head too. Us leaving for Arkansas and him clinging to my mom for dear life screaming and begging to stay with her...and that part absolutely destroys me. Plus, his father just came back into his life and boy does that kid adore his dad! He always talks about him. And I can picture him ten years from now telling me that he hates me for taking him away from here.

I have an incredibly hard decision to make.

I feel like Daniel is the ying to my yang and I don't want to be without him, but my babies, they mean everything to me. I can't hurt them. He says, "well that's why we'll go visit, and they'll come visit us". But I know that they won't come visit us. Not because they won't want to, but because they can't. They can't afford to time-wise or financially. I know my sisters will come and visit, but my mom won't, and nary a day goes by when I don't talk to her. Just yesterday I told her how happy I was and how much I love him and she told me that she knows and she's happy for me and she can tell that I love him just in the way I talk about him and how I've been acting lately. He's made me happy for the first time in a long time. Really truly happy, not just OK with things and not depressed happy. I mean, happy like a fat kid with skittles in every pocket that they're not gonna share happy.

I know that this man loves me for my personality and everything that I am, not just for my looks, and that's been a really hard thing for me to find. There are a lot of superficial men around here who go 'hmm...she's cute...why not?' instead of 'Wow! This girl has an amazing personality! She's funny and smart and just wow! I can't let her go!' The latter is how Daniel is about me. I asked him if he would still love me 4 babies later when I weigh 300 lbs. His response was that if I keep the personality I have, he'll love me forever.

He tells me that he thinks he's the obvious sacrifice. That he doesn't want me to be in pain, he wants me to be happy. But is he the obvious sacrifice? Should I really sacrifice the love of my life? I don't know...I just don't know anymore...

I'm going to talk to my mom about it tonight. Hopefully she'll be able to give me some guidance. And if she can't I'll talk to my pastor.

I've never left here before other than for like a month when I moved to Muncie, but then I moved right back. Haven't left since. And I've never lived anywhere BUT Indiana.

So yeah, I guess I'm Puff the not-so-magic dragon. I wish I could just pack up my whole family and move them all with me, or figure out teleportation, but neither of those things will maybe I'm the anti-Puff...

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Yup, he's the one :D

So that night, Amanda introduced me to Daniel. He has turned out to be the most amazing man I've ever met in my life. He's very open with his feelings for me, I never have to worry about whether I'm being overly dorky, overly sensitive, nerdy, doesn't matter, he doesn't care because he loves me for who I am not for some ideal of what a woman should be. The feeling that gives me is indescribable. I love him!

Now, onto the boys!!

Kaiden is 3 years old. He is a little spitfire lemme tell you what! Among his favorite phrases are "Leave me alone!" "Just shut up mom!" And "NOOOOOO!" Oh joy! But, he is an amazing child. He is so smart and imaginitive and he fills me with so much love that I just wanna squeeze him in a big bear hug forever. He is my oldest, my first, the one I'll make the most mistakes with and he's the best surprise I've ever received. I'll never forget the night I found out I was pregnant with him. It feels like yesterday. And I'll really never forget the day he was born. My life has never been the same and I wouldn't have it anyother way.

Ryland, my baby boy, is almost 6 months old now! He is a chunky butt weighing in at just under 20 lbs as of last weekend. He wears 12-18 month clothes and is THE happiest baby I've ever seen! He rarely cries and even when he cries it's brief and always followed by a giggle and a smile! He just started sitting up on his own for brief periods of time and he just amazes me every day!

Right now, my life is pretty near perfect. I'm hoping the rug doesn't get pulled out from under me, but you never know....

Hmm....bandwagon, I'm jumping on!

So I'm finally joining the blogosphere. Unwillingly springerish is the blog name because my life is always and has always been very Jerry Springer/Maury-ish and usually rather unwillingly on my part. The last year has been no exception. Brief summary of late 2007-all of 2008
December 2007- found out I was pregnant, told my family on Christmas to which my mother exclaimed "are you fucking crazy?!?!" Nice mom. Moved into a new house. Started going to BBC every day.
January 2008- Finished moving into new house. Continued going to BBC everyday and was now a part of a group that would later come to be known as the Lion's Den.
February 2008- Stopped letting Kaiden's father see him. Started going to doctor's appointments for new pregnancy.
March 2008-Put my mom's dog Dado to sleep. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I still miss him. We all still smile when a random, God only knows where it came from, tuft of dog hair will show up on the floor at mom's house. He's still there with us. :D
April 2008-Found out I'd be having another little boy!!
July 2008-Found out that Ryland's (baby I was pg with) dad had gotten another girl pregnant and that she was due in late Feb/early March 09. This was 2 weeks before I gave birth. Convinced the doctor to induce me so his dad could be there when he was born. We also moved in with my mom because a raccoon broke into the air vents in my house and at 9 months preggo I was a bit more than terrified at the thought of it breaking into the actual house itself. Rabies + Preggo = no bueno!
August 2008-Had my baby boy Ryland Grey on August 1, 2008 at 6:24pm. He weighed in at a whopping 9lb 6oz and was 21" long! Head full of dark brown curly hair and I was in love with him instantly! His father and I decided to try to work things out. That lasted for about 2.5 seconds. It was just a bad idea to say the least.
September 2008-Started talking to an old friend from HS and fell madly in love with him. Planned on getting married and the whole 9 yards.
October 2008-His wife called me. Yup. His wife. Didn't know he was married. Could have killed him!!!
November 2008-The aforementioned Lions Den that I was friends with and loyal to a fault to kicked me out for "hard evidence" of crimes I committed that weren't true and never really took place. But hell, who cares. A few wonderful women on there stuck up for me and I still love dearly to this day. You know who you are. ;D My boys and I also moved out of my mothers house this month. Just days after the rug was pulled out from under me. And for some of you you may think it odd that what happened with the LD affected my life so much, but what you should understand is that they were an integral part of my life for nearly a year. Every up and down, struggle, tear, happiness, pissed off moment, laugh, you name it, it was all on there and shared with those women who I counted as my closest friends.
December 2008-Went to Adam's parents house for T-day/Christmas with Ryland. Met Adam's new girlfriend. Then found out about a week later that she too was pregnant. Hmm....making up for lost time??? I think so! We also got the child support squared away, thank God for that!
January 2009-While sitting and talking to my excellent and superbly supportive bestie Amanda, she asked me if I had started dating again. I said I had, and that I was finding lots of frogs, but no princes. :( So she posed the question "Want me to find you someone?" and that is where I'll begin the actual blog...