Wednesday, February 25, 2009

You put the lime in the cocunut...

So Friday Ry and I drove the 3.5 hours to the Indianapolis airport for our 1:55pm flight to LaGuardia. Picture this. Me with Ry in his Snuggie on my front, carrying my purse, the diaper bag, another small bag, the big rolling suitcase, and his myself...can we say OMGWTF?!?!!! So...with all this stuff I get up to the check in counter and find out that the flight has been delayed an hour and a half which is going to make me miss my connecting flight in LaGuardia to Syracuse. Great. So they rebook me for a 4:45 flight...which gets delayed to 5:30! lol, so I make the most of it!

I got my first pedicure ever and Ry was the most amazingly well behaved child (as usual). I picked up a book at the bookstore that I think everyone should read. It's called "Are you there Vodka? It's me, Chelsea." It's by comedienne Chelsea Handler and OMG talk about a LOL kind of book! I was snort-laughing my way through the entire book! The fact that she refers to her father as "bitch tits" just killed me! Then the part about her red-headed boyfriend's "pitcher's mound" downstairs...HI-larious!! Found out from my pedicurist that she also has a book where she documents her one-night stands. Each chapter is a new man! Can't wait to read it!

Above is a pic of Ry and me at the salon getting my pedi! And below is him sitting in a chair at the salon playing like the little angel he is!
So anyway, we get on our little puddle jumper to DC and Ry sleeps the way there and is just perfect. We get to DC and let me just say that I really hate that airport. I just do. It's crowded and full of yuppies ignoring their children because they're too busy talking about stocks, politics, and paint colors. Shockingly this flight boarded ON TIME! Just a gate change this time! Regardless, the flight was good, and Ry slept again!
So, we finally land, and I drag my exhausted ass off the plane and there's Daniel. At this point, I'm so tired I could have cared less if the a horny leprechaun had met me, I just wanted out of airports period. So, being Syracuse, NY it was snowing (shocking, I know) and it took something like 2 hours to get to Ft. Drum. I slept the entire way. When we got to the apartment everything was in the living room and all the bedroom doors were closed. Odd, but ok. He had purchased a baby swing for Ry and already had the pack n play set up for him. So Ry and I laid down on the bed to sleep while he put the swing together. Swing got put together and all I wanted to do was sleep. Think that happened? If you said no you guessed right! Hell, it had been awhile, so I went for it, and lemme tell ya, I'm gonna have to talk to my doctor because I feel like I'm 10 years old again. Even tampons hurt. Something's not quite right. So I finally got to fall asleep at like 3:30/4am. Ry was up at 7. Daniel slept til like 9 and then got up and got donuts from the store because he had like NO food. He had some rice krispies and some Vitamin D milk. I DON'T do Vitamin D milk. Can't do it. Just can't. forward to Ry's first nap and I want to, 3, I want to take a NAP!! Well...let's just say I had to force him off me so that I could sleep. He slightly redeemed himself by taking care of Ry for an hour while I slept. After I woke up I decided to take a shower and get ready for dinner. I got all cuted up and told him to get in the shower and get ready. He did. And his idea of ready was a wrinkly t-shirt and some jeans. No. Just no. Turns out that he has 5 shirts. 2 of which should NEVER be worn in public and should be burned quite frankly. So finally I got him in a dress shirt and we left. We went to Applebee's for dinner and I ordered a steak. Unfortunately when I got the steak, it had a big tendon running through the middle that made me throw up in my mouth a little so they made me a new one, which came out not done well enough so they took it back and cooked it longer. Through all of this the waiter was nothing but polite, got us our drinks promptly, took our order prompty, wasn't overbearing in any way, did everything right. So during dinner Daniel tells me that "I really should have waited for a corner booth because I have a hard time with people being behind me ever since Iraq". Really? It's fucking Applebee's. I don't think that Osama is gonna jump out of the woodwork and kick your ass! So, we got up to leave and I looked at what Daniel had written down as a tip. There was a line through the tip spot. Yup. He was gonna stiff our server. OH HELL NO! I told him to fix it NOW. He did and I personally delivered it to the server and apologized. After that, I was done. So let me list the transgressions:

1. No food in the house but a 52" flat screen TV.

2. 5 "shirts" ( but really only 3 of them count) but a 52" flat screen TV.

3. Constantly trying to get at it after I told him repeatedly that this was not going to be sex fest 09.

4. The "PTSD". I don't buy it. If you have PTSD if fucks you up to go anywhere. Not just Applebee's. You'd be paranoid about the farmer behind you in line at Wal-Mart.
5. Not tipping the waiter.
6. He looked like he was going to die. 150lbs on a 6'2" frame is not a good look. Not for him at least.

7. He told me he spent $600 on his daughter for Christmas, but has no clothes, no food, no furniture and a 52" flat screen TV.

8. I can't lie very well.

I realized that we are two VERY DRASTICALLY different people. That, and Sunday morning when I woke up I discovered Daniel sleeping on the floor. I woke up at 7:30am. He woke up at 11:30am and I asked him why he slept on the floor. Well...apparantly he tried to cuddle up to me the night before and I (while sleeping!!) said "ugh, move!" and then, "This is a waste of my time". Talk about breaking it to him gently! Jesus. I had no response when he told me I had said that because, well, I was done. Needless to say I was on my way to the airport 2 hours later. And guess who took me? You're never going to believe this one; Don. My ex-fiance Don took me to the airport. And it wasn't awkward at all shockingly enough! It was actually kinda fun!
So we got the airport at 2:55, flight was at 3:15. I haul ass up there to go through security and the metal detector goes off, they make me step aside to get searched. It's 3:05. They pulled EVERYTHING out of the diaper bag and tested it. Really. Do I look that dangerous? Does Ry look that dangerous? Turns out it was my wal-mart bra clasp setting it off. Thanks a lot Vassarette! So I start RUNNING to the gate. Mind you Ry is in a snuggie and I've got a purse and a diaper bag too. This had to look hilarious and/or pitiful. Either way it sucked! And when I got to the gate, my flight was....guess....DELAYED!! Gah! Oh well, ran for nothing! Eventually we got on the plane and took off to Philly. Here's a picture of Ry in the food court at Philly. Now, Philly's airport I love! Lots of shopping, everyone was polite! It was great! Then we flew from Philly to Indy sitting next to a Pilot with whom Ry was fascinated! Of course, he had an awesome hat and badge! So we get to Indy and here I am again, trying to wrangle all the luggage and the baby and the carseat AND to remember where I parked! Finally I found it, but damn! So then we drove to Anderson and spent the rest of my Vacay with Amanda and her wee ones and we had a blast! She has a baby girl who is 9 days older than Ry but such a peanut! She's only like 13lbs! Here's some pictures of the lovers!

Aren't they just too cute?! They loved each other! And she and I are like long lost sisters! Strange how we met, but I love it! We've got a great back story for our friendship!
So, even though everything didn't go as planned, I don't regret it, because if I hadn't gone, I'd have never known, and let's be honest, be going there and it not working out is a LOT easier than having him come here and it not working out. :)


  1. Wow! What a trip you had. Like you said, I guess it was better to find out now that it just wouldn't work out.

    I have both of the Chelsea Handler books and they are hilarious! You'll love "My Horizontal Life" when you get your hands on it!

  2. OMG what a trip! the pics are so cute!!!

    i want to get the chelsea handler books..

  3. I have to tell you, I have been reading all your posts but for some odd reason, even still today, I could not post because of thw word verification, I have to open it in another window to see the letters... I didn't have your email, but wanted to share... I have been trying =) !!!!