*gag* I think I just threw up in my mouth a little

Surprise, surprise! The two little love birds are back together again! Seriously? Good lord. I love you! I hate you! I love you! I hate you! I love you! I hate you! It's getting old!

Anywho, apparantly whoever made up the shit that got me kicked out of WHC is off running their mouth again with untrue tales of my life. This time apparantly I asked a fellow WHCer to adopt my children from me. Yup. You read it right. Adopt my kids for me.

In reality, this conversation DID take place, but it was a JOKE! I was stressed, tired, fighting with my mom, had broken up with my fiancee, kids not sleeping, etc, etc, etc, and said "Hey wanna adopt a toddler? lol" or "toddler for sale!" Something along those lines, and really, haven't we all said that a time or two? Seriously now. Of course she said she would absolutely take them! And maybe a part of me WAS serious, but it was a moment of complete and utter desperation on my part. And the fact that 4 or 5 months after it happened it's being talked about, wow. Somebody's really bored. I'm just glad that a true friend came to me and asked me what had really happened. It's nice to know that some people still care.

On another note, I threatened to punch a UPS driver in the face yesterday. Yup. He decided that on a "no signature required" package, he wanted a signature. Look buddy, if I had wanted you to require a sig I would have asked for it! Just leave the shit on my doorstep!

Kaiden decided to make a concoction out of the fridge contents the other night. The result was a bottle of juicy juice apple juice with large carrots and mandarin orange slices in it. Yum. And of course in the process of opening the juice he spilled it on the floor. Nice. Sticky juice. Underfoot. woo hoo. I should have taken a picture, but I didn't.

Look how much my baby has grown up! This first pic was about 1.5 years ago.

And this weekend, he lost

his baby face! He's a little man now!! God it's scary how much he looks like his dad!

And a picture of Ry Bear!

Anywho, life is what it always is...DRAMA filled! I just can't wait to go to New York and see Daniel!!

Hmm...guess she IS pregnant...

And to top it all off she sent me a really nice email....umm...yeah....right!

Ok YOU wanna get real lets get REAL!!!!, First of all why dont you and TINA tell me how i faked that! Hope you two enjoy the picture. So much for doing whats best for the kids huh Janice? since my child is fake!!! I never did a fucking thing to either one of you. You may have your issues with Adam but i was never a part of them. I have always told him i was not a part of it and to make his own chioce and i would respect whatever choice he made. I was never anything but polite and respectful to either of you. And i dont owe either one of you a fucking thing, I owe you NO explanation or proof of anything! And i most of all have nothing to prove to Anyone. So since the to of you are so hell bent on putting my name in your mouths so often i am 14 weeks and 3 days pregnant. I'm sure between the 2 of you smart ones yur smart enough to do that math on that one, and figure out that Adam was home and living with me at that point in time. I am sorry if i offened you with a liltte stick figure. A real women would'nt have been so easily offened! My ONE and ONLY intention with that was to include EVERYONE. You yourself are the one that pointed out that you were afraid that now that i was in the picture and my new fake baby that i made up that Ryland was going to be forgot about. I was only trying to show that WAS NOT and WOULD NOT be the case by any means at all. I was in NO way trying to call any kind of dibs over him or say he was anything more to me at this point then the man i love son! i was never trying to take your place nor would i have ever tried to do that. I am after all a Single mother of 3, and i know by every means of the word how important that is. I wouldnt try to take that from anyone. But for some reason you and Tina have decided to take out an all on war on me, complete with a personal attack on the kind of person i am. Were the fuck either of you think you have ANY right at all i have no fucking clue. You wanna talk about over stepping your bonds. You two jump over that bitch and then stomped all the fuck over it. But thats cool you two wanna war? game on!!! And for you of all people to talk shit about me you would'nt have shit right now if it was'nt for me i was the one that found the lawyer and went to all the appt.s and dealt with all the phone calls, and informed adam of everything he needed to get for the lawyer and made sure he had it. Just to make sure your ass got child support to make sure that baby was takin care of, because if you remember right Adam was in NO postion to do so. SO your welcome to your oh so in greatful ass. You two can now remove my name from your mouths. I will no longer wish to be a part of all this childish high school bullshit. I mean grow the fuck up all ready. "Adults" do not judge others nor talk shit behind ones back. Just on the intent of trying to figure out how your tiny brains work i'm wondering what would be my purpose for lying about being pregnant. I do NOT want anything from adam nor will i ever. I have never taking anything from him at all no matter what it my be not one penny, not help, not anything. Despite his continuious offers to attemp to help i have taken nothing. I have paid for everything myself and done everything myself! Can you say that........ Thats what i thought! And unlike you i dont have a mommy to run to nor a daddy for that matter. I have myself. So now that the two of you have made Adam completely miserable i hope you two are totally proud of yourselves. Besides that when i have to get the same paternity test that you yourself had to have (being as thats army law) and it shows what we both fully knew and never questioned, YOU BOTH CAN KISS MY FUCKING ASS!!!!!! By the way dont waste your time responding. Because i will not waste my time reading it, i will delete it with no regaurd for you at all. I mean i think you both only deserve the same respect you have shown me..... Goodbye and Good day!!!

Whatever...maybe if she hadn't been so busy trying to make sure that Adam was spending time with her and her kids instead of with his REAL child I would have gone a little easier on her. Maybe. BUT! Seeing as how she didn't, fuck her. And judging by her myspace she left him. Again. What is this the 5th time they've broken up since October when they started dating?! Talk about high school bullshit, THAT is some high school bullshit! She knew about both me and dawn in October, what did she think she was getting into? A peaceful little commune where everybody has Adam's babies and holds hands and sings fucking Kumbayah?! I don't think so! When you have 3 babies mama's in less than 12 months...shit isn't going to be fucking rainbow's and butterflies! I mean really, did he think he wasn't going to have a lot of shit blow up in his face? All the lies, manipulation, deceit, and just general bad behavior was gonna catch up with him sooner or later and it just got him sooner than he ever thought possible. But he can't stand to look bad..."OH NO! People will think I'm a piece of shit, which I am, but for people to actually think that! :O Banish the thought!" Now he's saying that there's going to be hell to pay when he comes home. The only hell he's going to pay is when he realizes that he has NO rights to Ryland. None. And he should know that, he doesn't even have control over his own money right now.

Oh, and to clarify, Tina is Adam's older sister. She had emailed me telling me that she also didn't think Dana was pg. I told him I wasn't the only one who thought she was faking it and he pestered and pestered and peseterd as to who it was until I finally cracked and told him. She's pissed at me, but he would have found out eventually and I'm tired of all the secrets!!!

And to top it all off Adam tried to tell me that I need to leave Dawn alone and quit talking to her because I am stressing her out, not him. Oh no, never him! So I called and asked her last night about it. She said it was absolutely NOT me stressing her out. That it had ALWAYS been him causing the stress and that she was glad I told her stuff because if I didn't she would have been completely in the dark about all his lies and deception. So there jackass! Don't be jealous just because I will know Addison better than you ever will. That's your own damn fault. It's called a fucking condom. Use it, know it, love it Bitch!

Shove it jerk wad

So....my response to him....

Ok, you wanna get real? I don't even fucking know where you are! How am I supposed to just know the time difference? Don't be rude about it! If you dont' want to talk to your son, fine, don't talk to him. But yes, showing a baby a picture of someone and then hearing their voice, he would know who you are when you come home, but you don't believe me so I'm not going to even try to get it through your head.
And another real thing, and maybe you should really think about this because I'm not the only one who thinks so, a few of your family members have come to me and said that they don't think Dana is really pregnant. That was something I didn't even bring up and they said it to me, so maybe you should really think hard and do some thinking because there are a lot of things that don't add up about her pregnancy. I wasn't going to say anything about that, but your email just really pissed me off. QUIT TELLING ME HOW MUCH YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH!!! GUESS WHAT, I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH EITHER!! You've told me before about how hard it is for you over there, so maybe I should just tell you how much I really don't fucking care what your'e going through. I do care. You're Ryland's father and therefore are going to be a very integral part of his life if you so choose. And guess what, whether you like it or not, I am always going to be in your life so get used to it.
I truely hope that one day you and I can have a friendly relationship like Kaiden's father and I do, but as stubborn and bullheaded as you are I don't know if that's going to happen. I'm trying to make amends for any and all drama I was a part of, but you just won't let me! You talk about letting the past be the past, so that's what I'm doing, and look what it got me! Another shitty ass email from you!
Take your own advice.
And I never tried to tell you how to be a father! Never! Not once! But when you come home, you're not gonna know anything about him or his likes, dislikes so I'm going to try to help you with that for his sake! Not yours! I'd rather my son be having fun and enjoying his time with you rather than him being miserable while you figure out what he does and doesn't like. Eventually you'll learn enough about each other where you won't need my help to bond with him, but initially you will.
And as far as Dawn goes, she contacted me first, and that was well after she had already been stressed out by you. She and I are communicating so that we can raise these boys together as brothers. So just drop it because she and I are not going to stop talking to each other any time soon.

Ugh....still hate him!!!

Seriously??!?!

Ok, so I tried to make nice and whatever, this is the fucking response I get back from him...

First off between 6:30 and 8:30 isnt going to work for me. Im 8 hrs ahead of you. So do the math. Not gonna happen. I would also like to say that i personally dont think me callin to talk to him will make a difference. The whole thing about the study, yeah thats great. I was told unless the baby already has an idea of who you are just a voice isnt going to do shit.When i say i will call from time to time, trust me it wont be every week. It will be when i can get here to make a phone call. I also dont give a shit if you feel like your loosing your mind. Lets get it straight, i dont care about anything but Ryland. What your going through or anything alse pertaining to you is not a thought or a care for me. You have persistantly pushed buttons and have stressed out alot of ppl. You talk about being a grown woman, to bad you dont always act like one. Its funny to me that Dawn always complains to me about how i stress her out. I told her that the only time she says that is after she talks to you. I wonder if there is some connection there. Yeah, i really think, i mean know there is. I also think she is going to start realizing that to. I suggest you leave everyone else alone, let them live there lives and just focus on doing the job of being a mother. I dont need to be told how to be a father. Thanks i will figure it out on my own. If i do need help, i have plenty of family members that know everything i would need to know about kids. Thanks.

Ugh!! I hate him!!! Seriously, sometimes I wish he'd just get shot and never come home...I know that sounds awful...but UGH he has caused nothing but stress in my life from day 1.

TO THE MOON!!!!

Let me breakdown the list of players right now so that people are more or less confused lol
Me-me
Adam-Ry's dad
Dawn-Adam's ex that he got pg while I was pg with Ry
Addison-the baby boy Dawn is due with in 4 weeks
Dana-the skeezy tramp of a gf that Adam is with right now who claims that she is pg and due in July and that she already knows the baby is a girl....and that she knew that she was a girl in early December....yeah, right...

So, Monday I saw the stick figure family and got PISSED. I called Dawn to let her know because I felt she had the right to know since Addison is her unborn child. She was equally as pissed off as me. So I sent Adam an email and this is what I said verbatim:

I'm not trying to be a bitch, but would you please have Dana take Ryland off of her page. He is not her son. Until you two are married I feel that she is over-stepping her boundaries by having him on there as a "Hawn" when in fact he is not a Hawn he is a Pietrzak. I don't have pictures of other people's children on my page and don't feel it is appropriate for her to have my child on her page. Yes, I know he is your child too and you having him on your page is one thing, you're his father, but until you two are married she is nothing to him. I feel rather violated seeing my son on her page. I do not know her. Again, not being bitchy, I just feel very uncomfortable and felt very upset when I saw that. I'm sure you'll understand. Thanks.

he says he understands my concern and is sure she meant nothing by it but that he forwarded her the message. I thanked him for understanding.

Then he decides to start the 20 questions game.

While im on here, i am curious if you are seeing anyone? Im curious, because of what you said about not knowing Dana. If you are seeing someone, i feel i have the right to know what kind of person he is. I would like to know what kind of people my son are going to be around! Thanks

Asshole. I told him I am seeing someone. A few details about him, yada yada yada.

He starts asking how long I've known him, etc, etc, etc...

Is he from around here? Whats his name? Is he getting out due to the injury? Or is he just healing up and staying in?

He's from Arkansas. He's moving here for me. His name is Daniel. He's getting out due to his injury.

How old is this guy? How bad of an injury was it? How long have you known him?

He is 26. He had to have surgery on his shoulder due to the injury. he was medivaced out. I've known him long enough.

Long enough huh. Doesnt quite cut it for me. My neice met guys off the internet before. Thats why im very curious. I have known Dana for somewhere in the ballpark of atleast 12 to 13 years. Thats why i ask. Sorry to pry, but in the interest of who will be around my son, i feel like i have that right.

Well that's interesting to me because when I talked to his girlfriend she said that she had met him in December 2007....13 years eh? wow....maybe 13 MONTHS is more like it! anyway...

Good lord adam i am a grown woman. i didn't meet him on the internet. my best friend set us up. And i think you owe ry and me an apology for skipping out on the only first holiday of his you could have attended because you wanted to take dana's kids trick or treating instead of coming and seeing your son. That's just wrong. seriously. you knew you were going to miss EVERY first holiday of his but spending time with her children was more important. i get it. now, go get curious about somebody else's life. look, im not wanting to argue about this stuff that you cant go back and change but you're just setting the tone for how you're going to act when you're good and that makes me sad for ry's sake.

Well for starters, lets remember back that when halloween was here. I know speaking from my experience, i couldnt tell you what i did or whoo may have or have not been around me for my first halloween. So do you really believe he is going to grow up and say dad your an asshole for not going trick or treating for my first halloween. I hadnt found out Ryland was even my kid. did you ever consider that might have played into my decision. And do me a favor and leave Dana out of this! She is dealing with enough stress of her own with out you trash talkin about her. I dont appreciate that at all, and neither does she. This is between you and i for now. Once im home, then and only then will we be concerned about Dana. I have made my own decisions as far as he is concerned. Lets also> remember that once i did find out he was my son. We made plans for me to see him. Im very well aware of the fact i will miss out on some holidays with him. Thats nothing i have any control over right now. If you have doubts, just ask your man. If he is in the army he should know just as much as i do how things work. When i get home i fully intend to include him in as much as i can and that you will compromise with. If thats not good enough for you now, then i dont know what to tell you. I do give a shit about my sons well being. You really do like to stir the pot dont you. You had to contact Dawn to get her all worked up. Nice! She doesnt need to be any more stressed out either, but you couldnt resist getting her all worked up over something that isnt even that big of a deal to me. If i was the both of you, i would be happy she included both of the kids. That just means they are just as important as any of the other kids. Im sure you didnt> consider that because you were to worked up over the fact that it says "The Hawns". Dana had no intention of offending anyone. Just let it go, If thats the biggest thing you have to worry about, i feel sorry for you. Neither Dawn nor Dana need to be stressed out anymore than they already are. So give them a break and let them relax and quit stirring the drama pot. It will all be ok. Yes i acknowledge he is a Pietrzak, have never said he wasnt. Lets also not forget, he is half Hawn, whether you like it or not.

Good god i'm not the one stirring the pot. As a mother, dana should have known how another mother would feel about seeing their child displayed as someone else's. i'm not the only one who thought she was over stepping her boundaries. and as far as telling dawn, she had a right to know, that's her unborn child and she thanked me for telling her. and when did i talk shit about dana? as far as my boyfriend goes do you want his phone number? you can call and talk to him yourself. and as far as doubting if ry was yours, i told you from day one he couldn't have been anyone else's, and them that was also confirmed by the ultrasound, and by the doctor. all of that just wasn't good enough for you. you're a jack ass. you haven't even called to let ry hear your voice or anything since you left. yeah, you're doing a great job making sure he remembers you. how are those videos of you reading coming along? what, haven'tstarted? why an i not surprised. by the way, OUR son is wearing 18-24 month stuff right now and he has his 6 month check up next tuesday. but i've decided that im going to stop telling you how he's doing unless you take the time to ask me.

Man i guess i should have just took your word or believed a picture on a monitor to mean he was mine. Sorry if i needed more proof than your word. Deal with it. I could give shits less about the past. But you seem to want to cling to every little detail. Let the fucking past be the fucking past. If you would like to know about the videos, yes i am working on them but considering the location im at makes it a little more difficult. My bad im stuck in a shit hole of a third world country. I will complain to someone so maybe they will make your life better. I miss him very much for the record. I wouldnt mind hearing him. But for how long is a kid his age going to be amazed by a telephone, and lets be real. He isnt going to realize that im on the other end, and then be like wow, thats my daddy! I will continue to contact you the way i have been, if thats not good enough. Well then thats just to bad. I am and will work on the videos, im waitin for the px to get in some thumb drives so i can even transfer them. Kinda hard to do with out the right equipment. As far as Dana and you talkin shit about her, maybe you didnt intend for it to sound that way. Everytime you include her in any thing pertaining to me and my decisions. She takes offense to that. Why you ask? Because you have made it seem as if she was an influence in my decisions. Trust me that was not at all nor has been the case. But thats the way she took it. I tend to agree with her. I would like to move past all the retarded drama queen shit and deal with what really needs to be dealt with. If that isnt good enough for you, im sorry. We should just move past all this shit and try to be a little more grown up. I have asked you how things have been. I just sent you a msg last week asking. Im sorry if the fact im not contacting you everyday isnt good enough. I will be in touch, do me a favor and quit being so melodramatic and get your head out of the past. Lets focus on the now and the future for him. I will contact you very soon.

Look, I understand the difficulty with being over there and the videos. But as far as calling, you would be surprised at how smart he is. He knows several people's voices already. If he hears your voice now, when you come back he's going to know who you are. They've done studies and babies can remember someone just based on their voice. So I do think it would be beneficial as far as you two bonding for you to call and speak to him like once a week. Sorry for being kinda dramatic, PMS combined with a severe lack of sleep is a real bitch, lol.

I'm going to take the boys to get pictures done here in the next week or two so I'll email you some if they give me a disc of pictures.

Do you know anything about the insurance and all that for Ry? (and please tell me if I'm forgetting that we've discussed this before if we have because I feel like I'm losing my mind lately!) I haven't received any paperwork about that lately and I need to give the drs office his new insurance info when I take him next week.

Oh, and tell Dana I'm sorry if I offended her, it wasn't my intention at all. Did she understand why I got upset?

Umm....I think that's it for now. Take care.

So, I'm trying to be nice and he's just kinda shitty right back...

Some things i need to clear up. Im sure Ryland is a very smart baby. I have never doubted that. I will call from time to time. I need to know when and what time is best to do so. I do appreciate you sending pics and videos. I am trying to work on those. In due time i will send some. I prolly wont be reading any books due to the fact there isnt any kids books over here. As far as the insurance goes. They arent going to send you anything in the mail. You will have to take him to the National Guard Armory in South Bend. It is on Kemble St. Thats the best i can do with its location, i have been there twice myself. They will be able to take care of it all for you. You will most likely need to bring all his paperwork and the paternity test results. You dont have that stuff they wont help you. They can be anal about things, thats the army in general. From here on, if it doesnt directly concern Ryland then there is nothing we need to discuss. Im speaking of things in general. I dont care that you had a bad week from pms or lack of sleep. I will not take the frustration of what i deal with over here or anything i may be dealing with back home out on you, i would expect atleast that in return. So i will call after you let me know when and what time is best. Just out of curiousity, if Dana would have made the stick figure family without Ryland and Addison that wouldnt of bothered you? Or if i had been the one to make it on my page, it would of been ok then right? Just curious!

A good time to call would be from 6:30-8:30pm here any day, he's very fun and giggly during those hours. Thank you for the info on the insurance.
If dana had made the family without them it wouldn't have bothered me one bit. As far as your page, I can't see it, so I never would have known, and yeah, that would have been fine because they are your children.
I know you don't care why I acted the way I did, I just wanted to let it be known that I felt like I was losing my fucking mind because of those things.
I'll let you know how his dr's appointment goes on Tuesday. He was already 19.5lbs two weeks ago so I'm sure he's over 20 now! He's a freakin giant. Anyway, I'll be in touch and just email me before you call that way I'm prepared and not giving him a bath or something like that, k? Thanks.

So, yeah, DRAMA...again...what's new! lol

That's my kid, not yours

It's hard to describe the sick feeling I got in my stomach this morning when I looked at her myspace page. There, on her little stick figure family was MY BABY BOY. Mine. Not hers. Mine. Under the title "the Hawns". Yup. Guess what. That's not his last name, and until you're married to him you are NOTHING TO MY CHILD!!!!! I could seriously spit nails I'm soooo pissed off. Then, I look at her photo's and yet again, MY BABY BOY!!!!! Bitch, I don't know you! DO NOT PUT ANYTHING REGARDING MY FUCKING SON ON YOUR GODDAMN PAGE!!!!

I really just don't understand why people think it is OK to over step boundaries like that! At first I thought that maybe I was overreacting. So I asked my mom. She said that I was definitely NOT overreacting and that Dana had no place putting pictures of MY son on her page. If Adam has pics of him that's great! HE is his FATHER, SHE is NOTHING! UGH! The nerve of some people!!! I haven't been able to fucking think straight all day!!

In other news, I finally got cable and internet yesterday. Well I ordered it. It won't be installed til next week. But yay! No more fuzzy shows! And on demand fluff to quiet the kiddos!! yahoo!!

Still pissed. Fucking bitch. I really don't even think she's pregnant actually. Too many things don't add up.

OMG!

He said he'll come here! Just on the condition that we will go and visit his family often, which I have no problem with. Oh, and that I finally get cable :D lol

Thank God!!!

I just can't

I just got done talking to my mom, and she confirmed for me what, in my heart, I knew all along. I can't leave this place. More importantly I can't leave my family and everything I've ever known.

Call me Puff...or is it the anti-Puff

Why haven't they figured out teleportation yet? I mean seriously...we've been waiting on this for how many decades now? If they had figured out teleportation, then the dilemma I'm facing now would be a no brainer. I spent about 3 hours last night bawling my eyes out.

My boyfriend and I want to get married. I love him more than I can even begin to describe.

There's just one problem; he's from Arkansas and wants me to move there with him. If I can't, we can't be together. He promised his mother and grandmother like 4 years ago that when he got out of the Army he would come back to Arkansas and help take care of them and such. He also promised his nephew that he would come back and coach his baseball, football, soccer, you name it, teams.

I can picture in my head the life that we've planned out. The house we want to build, the kids we want to have, all of it. And I want that more than anything. But all I can think about is how much leaving could destroy Kaiden. Taking him away from his father and his nana would be devastating for him.

See, I can picture that in my head too. Us leaving for Arkansas and him clinging to my mom for dear life screaming and begging to stay with her...and that part absolutely destroys me. Plus, his father just came back into his life and boy does that kid adore his dad! He always talks about him. And I can picture him ten years from now telling me that he hates me for taking him away from here.

I have an incredibly hard decision to make.

I feel like Daniel is the ying to my yang and I don't want to be without him, but my babies, they mean everything to me. I can't hurt them. He says, "well that's why we'll go visit, and they'll come visit us". But I know that they won't come visit us. Not because they won't want to, but because they can't. They can't afford to time-wise or financially. I know my sisters will come and visit, but my mom won't, and nary a day goes by when I don't talk to her. Just yesterday I told her how happy I was and how much I love him and she told me that she knows and she's happy for me and she can tell that I love him just in the way I talk about him and how I've been acting lately. He's made me happy for the first time in a long time. Really truly happy, not just OK with things and not depressed happy. I mean, happy like a fat kid with skittles in every pocket that they're not gonna share happy.

I know that this man loves me for my personality and everything that I am, not just for my looks, and that's been a really hard thing for me to find. There are a lot of superficial men around here who go 'hmm...she's cute...why not?' instead of 'Wow! This girl has an amazing personality! She's funny and smart and just wow! I can't let her go!' The latter is how Daniel is about me. I asked him if he would still love me 4 babies later when I weigh 300 lbs. His response was that if I keep the personality I have, he'll love me forever.

He tells me that he thinks he's the obvious sacrifice. That he doesn't want me to be in pain, he wants me to be happy. But is he the obvious sacrifice? Should I really sacrifice the love of my life? I don't know...I just don't know anymore...

I'm going to talk to my mom about it tonight. Hopefully she'll be able to give me some guidance. And if she can't I'll talk to my pastor.

I've never left here before other than for like a month when I moved to Muncie, but then I moved right back. Haven't left since. And I've never lived anywhere BUT Indiana.

So yeah, I guess I'm Puff the not-so-magic dragon. I wish I could just pack up my whole family and move them all with me, or figure out teleportation, but neither of those things will happen...so maybe I'm the anti-Puff...

Yup, he's the one :D

So that night, Amanda introduced me to Daniel. He has turned out to be the most amazing man I've ever met in my life. He's very open with his feelings for me, I never have to worry about whether I'm being overly dorky, overly sensitive, nerdy, doesn't matter, he doesn't care because he loves me for who I am not for some ideal of what a woman should be. The feeling that gives me is indescribable. I love him!

Now, onto the boys!!

Kaiden is 3 years old. He is a little spitfire lemme tell you what! Among his favorite phrases are "Leave me alone!" "Just shut up mom!" And "NOOOOOO!" Oh joy! But, he is an amazing child. He is so smart and imaginitive and he fills me with so much love that I just wanna squeeze him in a big bear hug forever. He is my oldest, my first, the one I'll make the most mistakes with and he's the best surprise I've ever received. I'll never forget the night I found out I was pregnant with him. It feels like yesterday. And I'll really never forget the day he was born. My life has never been the same and I wouldn't have it anyother way.

Ryland, my baby boy, is almost 6 months old now! He is a chunky butt weighing in at just under 20 lbs as of last weekend. He wears 12-18 month clothes and is THE happiest baby I've ever seen! He rarely cries and even when he cries it's brief and always followed by a giggle and a smile! He just started sitting up on his own for brief periods of time and he just amazes me every day!

Right now, my life is pretty near perfect. I'm hoping the rug doesn't get pulled out from under me, but you never know....

Hmm....bandwagon, I'm jumping on!

So I'm finally joining the blogosphere. Unwillingly springerish is the blog name because my life is always and has always been very Jerry Springer/Maury-ish and usually rather unwillingly on my part. The last year has been no exception. Brief summary of late 2007-all of 2008
December 2007- found out I was pregnant, told my family on Christmas to which my mother exclaimed "are you fucking crazy?!?!" Nice mom. Moved into a new house. Started going to BBC every day.
January 2008- Finished moving into new house. Continued going to BBC everyday and was now a part of a group that would later come to be known as the Lion's Den.
February 2008- Stopped letting Kaiden's father see him. Started going to doctor's appointments for new pregnancy.
March 2008-Put my mom's dog Dado to sleep. This was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. I still miss him. We all still smile when a random, God only knows where it came from, tuft of dog hair will show up on the floor at mom's house. He's still there with us. :D
April 2008-Found out I'd be having another little boy!!
May 2008-FAT FAT AND FATTER!!!
June 2008-STILL GINORMOUS!!!!
July 2008-Found out that Ryland's (baby I was pg with) dad had gotten another girl pregnant and that she was due in late Feb/early March 09. This was 2 weeks before I gave birth. Convinced the doctor to induce me so his dad could be there when he was born. We also moved in with my mom because a raccoon broke into the air vents in my house and at 9 months preggo I was a bit more than terrified at the thought of it breaking into the actual house itself. Rabies + Preggo = no bueno!
August 2008-Had my baby boy Ryland Grey on August 1, 2008 at 6:24pm. He weighed in at a whopping 9lb 6oz and was 21" long! Head full of dark brown curly hair and I was in love with him instantly! His father and I decided to try to work things out. That lasted for about 2.5 seconds. It was just a bad idea to say the least.
September 2008-Started talking to an old friend from HS and fell madly in love with him. Planned on getting married and the whole 9 yards.
October 2008-His wife called me. Yup. His wife. Didn't know he was married. Could have killed him!!!
November 2008-The aforementioned Lions Den that I was friends with and loyal to a fault to kicked me out for "hard evidence" of crimes I committed that weren't true and never really took place. But hell, who cares. A few wonderful women on there stuck up for me and I still love dearly to this day. You know who you are. ;D My boys and I also moved out of my mothers house this month. Just days after the rug was pulled out from under me. And for some of you you may think it odd that what happened with the LD affected my life so much, but what you should understand is that they were an integral part of my life for nearly a year. Every up and down, struggle, tear, happiness, pissed off moment, laugh, you name it, it was all on there and shared with those women who I counted as my closest friends.
December 2008-Went to Adam's parents house for T-day/Christmas with Ryland. Met Adam's new girlfriend. Then found out about a week later that she too was pregnant. Hmm....making up for lost time??? I think so! We also got the child support squared away, thank God for that!
January 2009-While sitting and talking to my excellent and superbly supportive bestie Amanda, she asked me if I had started dating again. I said I had, and that I was finding lots of frogs, but no princes. :( So she posed the question "Want me to find you someone?" and that is where I'll begin the actual blog...