So I was thinking today...

So I was thinking about my ex today. He just popped into my head for some reason. And I was thinking about if we had stayed together and had children. Now, bear in mind that he has two beautiful children who I love dearly, but he has red hair. And is pale as snow. His son, got blonde hair, his daughter got his strawberry blonde hair. And on girls it is too cute, but it would have been my luck that we would have had sons and *shudder* I was horrified at the thought of the little male ginger babies we would have had! lol, that's terrible, but it's soooo true!!

So is it wrong of me to always think of whether or not the potential children I could have with a mate will be attractive or not? I mean, I know I have good genes, but (and especially if they haven't procreated previously) what about them? I mean, how am I to know which genes will show up dominantly in their children? Whew! It makes me really nervous!! I mean, I REALLY lucked out with Ryland looking like me because, quite frankly, his dad has started to look like a cabbage patch doll, and on a 34 year old man that is NOT attractive. He didn't look like that when we hooked up, and Dawn agrees that he's looking weird now too. Anywho, that may make me sound like a heinous bitch, but it's the God's honest truth.

Moving on, yesterday as I was walking in my house (after having to ask my neighbor to have all of the birthday party guests that parked in front of MY house move) I was walking inside and heard a male voice from behind me say"hey", so I turned around and it was this guy in a car. I'm too far away to see who it is. So this guy goes, "hey, what're you doing?" I was like, "I'm gonna go make dinner" rolled my eyes, and started to walk away. And he was like, "what you don't remember your buddy Will?" So I screamed and ran over to him and gave him a hug. So this guy is a very attractive black man who I used to work with at a factory. He wrote me poetry when we worked together and has always wanted me bad. But I've never looked at him like that. I've always thought he was hilarious and smart, but I wasn't attracted to him in a sexual way. So when he called me today, instead of leading him on I laid it out for him. I said look Will you're an amazing person, you're attractive, smart, funny and just an all around great and fun person, but I'm not attracted to you like that. He says he understood, but I know he was hurt. I was really happy to see him though! Sigh...he wrote me another poem last night. It's cute, really it is. The first poem he wrote me was based on my name. Like each letter starting the line was a letter in my name. I feel bad, but he and I are a lot alike and I really value his friendship. I've known him for 2 years now and know that if I haven't developed those feelings for him yet after all the time we spent together, they're just not there for me. Unfortunately they are there BIG TIME for him. He told me "I just don't get it. Every other woman I want, I get. Except for you. You just broke my heart again. I'm over you now. But we're cool, we can still be friends." Which I'm really glad for!

Why? Why me?! Ugh!

My fwb (friend with benefits) stood me up last week. Yeah. Stood up by my fuck buddy. Nice. He even called me 3.5 hours before-hand to confirm plans, and then never showed up. To top it off, he didn't respond to any of my phone calls. I called twice that night and twice the next day and left him one voicemail. Nothing. What's really disappointing was that that was honestly, THE BEST SEX of my life. So I'm really pissed off. I mean, fuck, at least call me and let me know that you're not coming over. Be courteous. Be a courteous jackass. Boo to him.

Boo.