Quotes a la me!

I have a tendency to have a slow brain to mouth connection...if I think something I usually say it and then later think that perhaps...that would have been better left in my head! Here are some classics:

When wondering out loud how one goose gets to lead the entire V:
"Did you ever wonder how they decide which goose gets to fly at the front? I mean, did that goose sleep their way to the front of the V? Are the other geese behind her going 'stupid slut, she slept with Tom and now SHE gets to lead us all to cabo?!'"
Later I found out that it was the goose with the highest level of magnetism in their head or some scientific shit like that.

When looking for my sister's newly chipped off tooth: "I found it...oh, no wait...that's a rice krispie."

Talking about my slip-n-slide va-jay-jay: "I never have to worry about buying any KY...it's like my body's own little way of clipping coupons and saving money!"

When getting a pelvic exam from the doctor:
Doctor:"hey, toss me some lube."
Me: "Geez...you could at least take me out to dinner first! Olive Garden sounds nice!"
Doctor and Nurse in unison: "OMG Hahahahaha!!"

And that's it for now...my brain has malfunctioned and is suffering from a rather severe case of CRS.